The Saline Reporter
A Heritage Newspaper
Weekly Publication
Son reminds father to try and try again
PUBLISHED: January 24, 2008
My 11-year-old son didn't make the cut for his sixth-grade talent show.
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Apparently, the show's directors weren't quite taken with his song-and-dance routine, preferring to go with the likes of a piano player, a violinist and someone who could really sing for the three available slots.
When my son came home with the news, he was crushed. Devastated, even.
"I just feel like I don't have any talent," he moaned. "It's depressing."
"Pshaw," I said. (I actually said "pshaw," which I've always thought was a terrific word, but it turns out it's not one you should use with your 11-year-old. He gave me a confused look. I think he thought I might have sneezed.)
So, I tried "phooey," and he seemed to get that.
"There are all kinds of talents besides singing, dancing and playing a musical instrument," I told him.
I began ticking some off on my fingers: teaching, cooking, auto repair, landscaping, floral design, architecture, computer programming, carpentry, interior design ... I could have kept going, but he interrupted me.
"They don't have talent shows for those in the sixth grade," he said glumly.
"That's true," I said, conceding the point.
I switched tactics. I told him how you can't let rejection discourage you. How you can't let one disappointment dissuade you from trying again. And again, if necessary. Failure is an opportunity to learn, I said, a chance to improve. It toughens you. It tests you. You can't quit pursuing a goal because of a setback.
I unleashed a flurry of cliches such as "winners never quit" and "quitters never win" and "it's not the size of the man in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the man."
I was on a roll. I imagine I sounded like a coach rallying his team after a difficult loss.
Except I'm not sure I'm the next Vince Lombardi because the boy wasn't buying what I was selling. He was not persuaded. His face still carried the hue of dejection.
"Let me show you something," I said, struck with inspiration, and led him down to the office. From a filing cabinet I pulled a folder bulging with papers. I placed it on the desk and opened it.
And I revealed to him my decades of rejection.
I began trying to get published in my early teens and for several years not a week went by that I did not receive in the mail a rejection letter from one magazine or another. I have kept them all. I showed my son letter after letter rejecting this story and that story. I showed him letters from publishers rejecting some children's books I wrote. I pointed to letters from agents passing on the opportunity to represent my work.
"Look at all these rejections," I said, splaying them on the desk. "But you know what?" And then I showed him one of a dozen or so acceptance letters. "I didn't give up and got some stories published."
For a brief moment, from a certain clearing of shadow from his face, I thought I had made my point that to succeed you must persevere.
But then my son said, "Dad, these are from like five years ago. Haven't you sent out any of your stuff since then?"
I closed the folder. The problem with trying to provide your child with a life lesson is that for some bizarre reason they expect you to live by it. To draw on another clichÈ, they expect you to "walk the talk."
It's rather annoying.
But my son had revealed to me a truth I had not considered. There are those beaten down by rejections who decide to quit a pursuit, but there are also those who don't decide to quit. They just, over time, stop.
I have been a stopper. The thought brought me up short.
"You're right," I said. "I'll tell you what. I'll try again to get these children's books published if you try out for the talent show again next year."
We had a deal. And as I set about looking up the address of yet another publisher to submit my work to, I was reminded that despite all the clichÈs and all the pep talks, in the face of failure, it's never easy to not give up.
Staff Writer Brian Cox can be reached at 429-7380 or bcox@heritage.com.
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